Shift your mind to Worthiness

Self Love- regard for one's own well-being and happiness

Over the years, I've learned how to appreciate quality over quantity in dating. I was never good at dating in my younger years because I didn't fully understand who I was and what I wanted. I just knew I preferred long-lasting relationships over talking to multiple people simultaneously. However, my relationships would last, but there was a trauma that came with it. After breakups, I would find myself trying to attach to another person without fully healing and getting to know who I was as I was growing in age. As a single woman, I am choosing with intention.

Throughout my time single, I dated, but it just didn't work out for me. I knew more about what I didn't want than what I did. I had moments with people who had me question if  I loved myself enough not to accept the mediocrity or disrespect given to me by people who were not even on my level. During this time, I stepped back and evaluated my love for myself because I tolerated things I shouldn't have. My mindset needed to shift from a perspective of who am I? to I am! With every accomplishment I achieved, I didn't accomplish the most important one, loving myself as I am. Although I desired a long-standing relationship with another person, I also desired the same relationship with myself but was afraid to begin the journey.

The healing begins within, and to begin, you must be brave. My therapy sessions aided in understanding some of the most traumatic experiences I've had. Those sessions helped me figure out why I handled certain situations the way I did, tolerated things I shouldn't have, and how to deal with my emotions. I was all over the place emotionally, and I felt drained and confused about a lot of things. I was so hard on myself, not realizing that I was slowly tearing myself apart, day by day. One of the most important things I learned while discovering self-love is to be kind to myself. I had to start treating myself how I treated others, with love. It's unbelievable how a person can give so much love to others but have none to give to themselves. It was time for me to change how I saw myself from the lenses of unworthiness.

My thought process was because something didn't work out, I was the problem. Once I learned how to understand and feel my emotions, I knew where they came from: A place of unworthiness. I remember a scripture that came to me one day about how God is a father to the fatherless. Psalm 68:5 "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling." Everything that I was feeling suddenly disappeared because I finally understood who he was to me. I understood that the very thing that I was looking for in people was what God gave me daily. He gave me love, protection, financial stability, assurance, peace, joy, comfort, kindness, gentleness, shelter, food, mental stimulation, and much more! I never lacked anything because he promised me all these things, and knowing he keeps his promises is beyond comforting.

I learned to love myself and see myself how God sees me. I remember some days walking with God to talk, setting an extra plate at the dinner table for God, and spending that time with him. It's incredible how these simple things can bring you closer to him. Just as he makes time for you, you must do the same. Treat God like a friend, invite him into your space, and let him feel welcome. Doing this helped me to be comfortable with being alone with myself. I took myself on dates and did things that I enjoyed doing. Spending quality time with yourself allows you to mentally adjust to knowing if someone walked away from you, you would be okay. You gain more confidence and self-worth by studying and working on your flaws. You create boundaries and standards so that when people come into your life, you lay them out and see who will respect them. To protect your peace, space, emotions, and physical state by creating boundaries and standards for yourself is self-love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

You have to be content with being single because it is a blessing. Singleness is the season that God uses you to reveal himself to you. And as he reveals himself, you learn who you are in him. It is not easy at all, trust me, but it is worth doing because you get the chance to see something so beautiful happen in real-time. I've often fallen off track because I am not perfect and never will be, but I am a trying woman, and that alone is enough for God to still use me or anyone willing.

To whoever is reading this I want you to know that you are worthy. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of respect. You are worthy of romance. You are worthy of consistency. You are worthy of peace. You are worthy of joy. You are worthy of all of these things. All of these things come from God, which he provides daily when you surrender to him. While waiting, remember that every good thing comes from God, so if you don't have something, you either don't need it or it will come at the right time.

James 1:17 "Everything good comes from God. Every perfect gift is from him. These good gifts come down from the Father who made all the lights in the sky. But God never changes like the shadows from those lights. He is always the same."